Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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