Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
