the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
