We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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