I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Two words: nipple clamps
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