the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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