I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
