Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
