i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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