my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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