Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
