my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love how my cats smell like pot.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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