Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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