Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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