Kiss
Puke
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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