look no pants
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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