Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
