U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
