worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
