I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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