Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
