He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
