I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
