Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
