Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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