he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
