Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
