Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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