That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
