i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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