Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
