were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think my fart just growled at me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
