Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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