I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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