The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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