I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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