READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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