so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
