I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You've changed since you got that strap on
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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