Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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