I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
