Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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