She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
