I skipped work to stalk him.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
