i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
