remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
