She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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