so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
