He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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