I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
