She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
