My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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