I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
