you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
