Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
