p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.