Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
