I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup