it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?