I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.