Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yo dont text me then not text me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
