Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
