How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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