Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
