Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
