I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
