Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was like eating out sand paper
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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