Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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