Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
