I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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