It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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