I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The Olympian is in my bed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
