Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize