How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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