dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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