I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
