I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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