oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
