Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
