we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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