Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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