hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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