Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
