I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize