ya dads aren't the best wingmen
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
