She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
how drunk are you?
Several
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
