He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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