haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
