Define "chronic" masturbator.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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