dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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