I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
