why didn't you poke me back
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Help. Why am I so naked?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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