Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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