Little spoons don't ask big questions
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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