dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
