dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
